I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
