Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
