i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Drunk is not a location!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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