i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
