apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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