Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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