Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
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apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
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And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize