U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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