I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
