I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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