he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
