I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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