just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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