why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....