If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
