Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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