sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
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Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
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My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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