I can text with my tongue
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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