I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
