if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I need to calm my uterus...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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