I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
