I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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