what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
