Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She needs sedatives and a leash
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
