Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
