In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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