Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Are these your boobs on my camera?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize