The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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