This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
