we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I need water and some morals
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