margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
