Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
