I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
