I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
