An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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