I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
