it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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