Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
