no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
