Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
