Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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