So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
