There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
