I feel like abortions should bother me more
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
