i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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