The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
