he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
