apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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