when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
