Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
