Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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