Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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