listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
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