you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
