Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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