Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
