So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
