your parents love me but you hate me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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