actually, I'm a sock model
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
