And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
