coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
