you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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