rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
