so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
