I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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