What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
