if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
