My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
