I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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