I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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