Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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