Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
