I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
In other news, I just burned my penis
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Randomize
