dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
