So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
